I woke up this morning intending to do a FB Live video. January has been a month of bringing awareness to Post-abortive Healing. I wanted to address a question that I have heard through the years about abortion. That did not happen.
The sky over the mountain range was beautiful and inviting. The sun was out and warm, but the wind was strong. I like to record from different places in the city, but recording would have to be done from an enclosed location due to the wind, so off I went to look for the perfect place.
Once I found a place I liked, I started to gather my thoughts.
I can’t talk about this subject without talking about her. It should not be a surprise by now, but sometimes I am still caught off guard by how much I am moved by her. Even though I have never seen her. The child I was once afraid to acknowledge, even to myself, is now a part of my daily life. Though I cannot touch her and I don't know what she looks like, she has never been more real to me than she is now.
To say that I am in awe of the Lord is an understatement. Sometimes he stops me where I stand and takes my breath. To watch him create a new story for my baby girl and me, I can almost see his hand moving with ink and parchment, writing one page after another turning the page, and writing more. Crafting a new story, one of love over judgment. This is only something God could do.
He has given me a crown of beauty for ashes, oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
He gave me the freedom to grieve her and in giving me that he gave me the freedom to love her in a way I never thought possible. My tears are no longer tears of grief. I cry today because even though I took away her life before she could breathe air, she lives! My joy is that she lives with our Savior, and one day she and I will be united again for all of eternity.
A year ago, I could not even think about her, let alone know her by name. I was a woman who had an abortion, and that is all I could tell people. I couldn’t tell anyone about her because I couldn’t think about her. The very thought of her tiny body with fingers and toes would leave me hysterical on the floor. My only choice was to push the thought of her as far away as I could, this was the same thought all those years ago.
It's only been through Post-abortive healing that I can see her as she is now and tell you her name. There are many men and women in the same place I was, bound up in guilt and shame. They are unable to acknowledge their babies. This is right where the enemy wants people because living with sin isolates us, keeps us quiet. Once we are walking in the freedom of forgiveness, we are much more likely to be a vocal part of the fight for life.
As I tried to navigate my emotions today, it was of no use. There would be no video today with my tear-stained face and shaky voice. Rarely can I say her name without such emotion. Her name embodies the very greatness of our God.
Her name is: