It's Mother's Day Again
It’s a dark, hidden place in the recesses of my heart. No one has access to, not even the Lord. Though he may see my wall of brick and mortar, though he may know what lies behind, I do not grant him access, I do not let him in. It’s a place that I do not understand and cannot release. It is the burial place where my mother’s memory remains. It’s Mother’s Day again. This will be the 3rd Mother's Day without my mom. In some ways, I am saddened by that, in some ways I am relieved, but really I just want to be numb to it. I don't know how to grieve this loss. Our relationship was fractured and dysfunctional. There is hurt so deep, I don't know if I can brave the journey to go back and face it. It's much easier to just keep moving and try to pretend that this broken relationship doesn't leave me broken-hearted, but there is an ever-present current that runs beneath the surface, is it pain, is it grief? I don't even know. All I know is it hurts. I